Well, it has been a few days since I have blogged, yet my 32-day process is still moving along quite nicely. I'm not sure if it's this particular process that has been so intense for me, or this combined with it being the last month of the year, mixed in with my 31-day Ganesha mantra experiment. But in the past 10 days it seems like my life has shifted and moved and shifted again on so many different levels. These past four days in particular have felt like a non-stop growing event! I can feel something shifting deep inside as I work through one thing and another - and as I allow more and more memories to surface and feelings to come up and out. It's like I got tired of saying what I wanted or what I was someday going to do, and started just LIVING it. Overnight.
I realized at lunch yesterday with a friend, that I created a life over the past four months that FULLY supports my learning process. From my business to my friends, to the things I am doing, people I am relating to, people I am attracting, etc. I have created such a safe little bubble for myself in which I feel eager and willing to grow and learn - and safe in fully expressing who I am and letting my authenticity OUT. This process is all about self-expression and I think I am not beginning to understand what that really means to me. It means allowing MYSELF to be MYSELF in front of other people, and on my own. It means saying what I think and holding true to my own beliefs and opinions. It means doing a naked photo shoot if I want to and not feeling ashamed or guilty. It's about having a glass of wine (or 3) if I want to and allowing it to be okay! It means flirting with a hot man or sharing my feelings with a close friend or requesting something from someone close to me. It means not answering the phone if I don't feel like talking and watching a movie or taking a nap at 2 in the afternoon if that's what's going to serve me best. It means talking openly about my sexual needs, emotional needs, and spirituality - and being OK with MYSELF. It means dropping the bullshit and the limiting beliefs and FULLY living the way I want to live. Because I am me, and that isn't going to change and pretending to be someone else didn't work - and it was a disservice to my soul. Expressing myself means opening the curtain and allowing my soul to see, feel, and experience all that beautiful light.
And in all this, I can ask for what I need. Yesterday I needed to talk to a friend of mine so I made a request and we talked. Just like that. I shared what was on my mind, and I shared my feelings and you know what? He listened, he responded, and he supported the fact that I was sharing what was true for me. I showed up for myself and in return, he showed up for me as well. And I felt loved and heard and valued - and I felt like an equal. In all of this I am learning how to be ME. And how I can love myself and put it all together as I awaken to and step into this next amazing phase of my life with COMPASSION for who I am and why I am here.
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