Authentic Self-Expression 32-Day Process: Day 2

Today was the second day of my 32-day process of exploring and expressing my self-expression, feelings, and whatever else that means.  Last night I had the honor of reading some of the most beautiful writing that both impressed, inspired, and touched me deeply.  I felt a tug at my heart as I read the eloquent and vulnerable self-expression of someone else, because it was in that where I could see a beautiful reflection of my own self-expression.  Meaning - if I could see and feel such a beautiful energy in his writing, it means that I can see and feel that same beauty somewhere inside myself as well.  For some reason, I made a decision to hide that beauty, many years ago - and this 32-day process is an opportunity for me to re-awaken to who I am.  And it came to my realization that I am the only person standing in my way of really just allowing myself to BE myself - and learning what that means.  And letting go of any obstacles that I put in my own way (i.e. my EGO).

This morning, I woke up feeling giddy with the idea that I had a whole day in front of me to really allow my expression to come out and play.  And today while I was with a client, I really allowed myself to be vulnerable and open up and each word that came out of my mouth was one that I really meant and wanted to say.  I took moments and paused when I wasn't sure what to say.  Instead of saying what I thought I should say (as I did in the past), I experimented with taking a minute to center myself and then when I did speak, I felt a connection between my mind and my soul.  My words felt aligned with what I was REALLY feeling.  How cool!

And then tonight, I went to a party and on the drive over, I wondered what it would feel like to just be my open, bubbly, happy, excited, energetic, sexual, funny, fun and loving SELF.  For the first time in a while I just didn't "care" what anyone thought of me and allowed myself to "come out of my shell" and you know what?  It was an amazing and LIBERATING experience for me!  It felt so GOOD to open myself up to the vulnerability of authentic connection, both with myself and others.  I really feel my deep commitment to this process and am excited for the next 30 days!

And as an added bonus to move towards the release of 2012 and the embrace of 2013, tomorrow I am beginning a 31-day mantra experiment - with the intention of releasing any obstacles that I am putting in my own way.  What I do know, is this experience can only add positivity to my journey into exploring and expressing myself.

Authentic Self-Expression 32-Day Process: DAY 1

Today, the rain came.  And with the rain came my tears that I have felt inside for months but that I haven't allowed to fully surface.  When I first set my intention for this 32-day process, I was focussing more on expressing my emotions to others, in the form of words - as a way to feel heard.  But today, when the opportunity presented itself for me to share my emotions with someone whom I feel relatively close to, I didn't feel called. I walked away from the situation feeling lost, unfulfilled, confused, and like I had let myself down by not fully expressing myself.  I then realized that in order to fully experience my emotions in the presence of someone else - to fully share and allow myself to be as vulnerable as I can be, I must first start with myself. I realized how eager I am to connect and share with others, but how dismissive (in the past) I have been when it comes to connecting with MYSELF. I realized I had been wanting to skip a crucial step in this process - which is the step that begins with ME.  

I recently shared with a friend that I wasn't sure I felt safe enough to express and experience my emotions by myself.  My fear was that if I allowed myself to actually FEEL how I was feeling that it would be so painful and scary that I wouldn't be able to "come out of it" if I wanted to.  I was afraid that without the comfort of others around me, I might get lost in what felt like the deep, dark hole of sadness.  So I reminded myself that I was (am) safe, put on a song that really sings to my heart, and allowed myself to feel that deep, dark pit that has been aching in my stomach for months.  I allowed myself to just let myself cry and experienced what it's like to hold myself while I let it all out.  And so today, on Day 1, I learned that I can trust myself.  I can just be with myself as I feel all of these things - and love myself anyway.  I learned that the tears and feelings can even add to my beauty if I reframe it and allow that to be the truth.  And for me, expressing my emotions is taking me one step closer to my own truth.  And my own truth is self-love.