Authentic Self-Expression 32-Day Process: DAY 1

Today, the rain came.  And with the rain came my tears that I have felt inside for months but that I haven't allowed to fully surface.  When I first set my intention for this 32-day process, I was focussing more on expressing my emotions to others, in the form of words - as a way to feel heard.  But today, when the opportunity presented itself for me to share my emotions with someone whom I feel relatively close to, I didn't feel called. I walked away from the situation feeling lost, unfulfilled, confused, and like I had let myself down by not fully expressing myself.  I then realized that in order to fully experience my emotions in the presence of someone else - to fully share and allow myself to be as vulnerable as I can be, I must first start with myself. I realized how eager I am to connect and share with others, but how dismissive (in the past) I have been when it comes to connecting with MYSELF. I realized I had been wanting to skip a crucial step in this process - which is the step that begins with ME.  

I recently shared with a friend that I wasn't sure I felt safe enough to express and experience my emotions by myself.  My fear was that if I allowed myself to actually FEEL how I was feeling that it would be so painful and scary that I wouldn't be able to "come out of it" if I wanted to.  I was afraid that without the comfort of others around me, I might get lost in what felt like the deep, dark hole of sadness.  So I reminded myself that I was (am) safe, put on a song that really sings to my heart, and allowed myself to feel that deep, dark pit that has been aching in my stomach for months.  I allowed myself to just let myself cry and experienced what it's like to hold myself while I let it all out.  And so today, on Day 1, I learned that I can trust myself.  I can just be with myself as I feel all of these things - and love myself anyway.  I learned that the tears and feelings can even add to my beauty if I reframe it and allow that to be the truth.  And for me, expressing my emotions is taking me one step closer to my own truth.  And my own truth is self-love.