Well, officially I have been in New Jersey for 3.5 months and for those of you who are close to me, you know it has been a wild ride with bumps, bruises, tears, smiles, and even a bit of laughter. Mostly, it has been a lot of lessons, awarenesses, development of new coping mechanisms, and a whole LOT of self-trust, confidence, and my ability to push through and stay true to ME despite the whirlwind going on around me.
I arrived with a smile on my face and the vision that I would live at my parent's house for 1-2 years to finish school and finally get my B.A. degree. I arrived with the intention to heal from my recent break-up, rest, spend time with family, and give myself an opportunity to get a little break from all of the stuff I had been going through in LA. Needless to say, I had no idea what I was in for.
To sum up everything, I would like to take a bit of a positive spin on things here. Later, after I have had some time for this 3.5 month period to sink in, I may come back, share a little more, share a little deeper, and write from a darker place. Right now, however, I am choosing to see all that I have experienced, accomplished, and where I stand today, 34 days prior to my February departure to Los Angeles. Consider this a montage of events, one quickly following the next, rarely with a break in between, and not in any specific order. Somehow, I believe this will all come together one day in a way that makes sense.
I lived in Manhattan as a live-in nanny and experienced enough in 5 weeks to write a full novel cover to cover, and then possibly a sequel. I experienced more elevator rides, taxi drivers, Ugg boots, Upper Eastsiders, Upper Westsiders, nannies, absent parents, garage valets, overpriced parking, underpaid employees, Duane Reade pharmacies, Brooklyn Bridge traffic, FDR drive potholes, then I ever dreamed I would in an entire lifetime, let alone in one Thanksgiving to Christmas timeframe. I got over my fear of high rise buildings after living on the 20th floor penthouse and visiting my friend on his 47th floor apartment more times than I can count. I got over my fear of bridges, tunnels, fast drivers, high speed elevators going up or down, street food, fried food, and refined sugar. I got over my fear of being sick by myself and reliant on myself. I learned how to cook and dismantle lobster and shrimp. I learned how to roast a chicken, a turkey, and make a meatloaf. I learned how to dig my car out of 2 feet of snow, use 4-wheel drive, drive in ice, wind, snow, and freezing rain. I learned how cold -2 degrees really is and what it feels like to "snowed in." And I learned that a five-year old can knock two front teeth out faster than I can blink.
I put my 11.5 year old dog (and best friend) to sleep and experienced what it felt like to hold a living creature in my arms and watch it take it's last breath of life and feel it's heart stop beating. I learned what it felt like to say goodbye to something I loved more than anything and I learned how to experience peace and acceptance in sadness and loss. I have experienced what it feels like to be single and without a boyfriend, and what it feels like to sleep by myself every night and wake up by myself every morning. I learned what it feels like to be with myself and find appreciation, gratitude, and happiness in the smallest things. I learned what it feels like to long for the past and long for the future but to accept the present. I learned that I have a true passion for writing, photography, and doing something, anything, to help make this world a "better", a happier place. I learned that I am strong, courageous, wise, beautiful, and true to myself.
I spent time with friends and family who I love and care about. I had an opportunity to write for a newspaper and learned the ways to be successful in journalism-style writing. I wrote an article about a non-profit that specializes in rescuing dogs and from the article the company received a $500 donation. I assisted in a dog's life being saved and received recognition for writing an amazing article. I learned how to assemble IKEA furniture, make the perfect omelette, drive in snow boots, shop with coupons, do yoga without the yoga class, and do 15 consecutive push-ups.
I guess I could keep going and going. I look back on these past few months and am beginning to see just how much I experienced and for that I am grateful. I have 34 days left here, and though I look forward to getting on that plane on February 25th, I also look forward to the next month and hold the intention that it will be a positive and uplifting time. Because when I do get on that plane, meditation beads and journal still in hand, and arrive at LAX with my dry feet, dry luggage, and 4 month's worth of challenges and experiences under my belt, I will embrace my new perspective and open my heart to the life and experiences I know I deserve. Until then, I am accepting, experiencing, and embracing the moment, the snow, the cold, and really hearing myself when I say: I look forward to going home.
