Self-Expression 32-Day process: Day 4 - Letting it Be

Today marked Day 4 of my 32-day self-expression 32-day process.  I went to yoga, as I usually do on Sunday mornings, but I felt off and didn't want to go.  I used to "give into" the desire to skip yoga when I didn't feel like going, but lately I have been noticing that those are usually the days when I could benefit from going the most.  So I went anyway and as soon as I got on my mat, I started to cry.  And I cried in Warrior I and II and I cried in down dog and I cried in plank and I especially cried when, in child's pose, my yoga instructor came over and put her warm and loving hands on my lower back.  I cried and chanted and stretched and covered my yoga mat in tears.  And instead of fighting it and telling myself to stop or thinking of reasons why it wasn't ok - I just let it be.  I let myself be in the room and in the moment and in the feelings, even as the sweat dripped off me and my mind fought to be anywhere but where I was - I just allowed myself to be.  And after a little while, I realized there wasn't anywhere else I wanted to be except there in that exact moment in that exact room with those beautiful kirtan chants flowing in and out of my heart as I inhaled and exhaled and cried. I let myself cry in the beauty of what I have created as my sanctuary.  I let myself just be me in the moment when I needed it the most.  For the first time in yoga, I listened to what my body needed and when I finally surrendered and listened, it was the most beautiful and refreshing release.  After Shavasana, I wiped the sweat and tears off my mat and felt proud of myself for allowing all of that to come forward and be released.

Today, I feel like a met a new part of myself.  I met the emotions of the little girl inside who didn't have the space to express herself when she was very little.  I met the teenage part of myself that never felt like she fit in and felt lonely and isolated.  I met the 20-something part of me that tried so hard to be anyone other than herself.  And I met the 29-year-old present version of myself who just wants to love all of the parts of myself, no matter how much I may have judged myself in the past.  Today I just decided to let the past be the past and decided to let it all be as I loved myself anyway.