So work is work. My boss and I have had some amazing communication the past few days and have ironed out a few large details pertaining to my job. It's pretty amazing what some clear, efficient, and productive communication can do! And considering it was all via email (the two of us getting together to talk is close to impossible due to our schedules) is pretty impressive if you ask me! Or maybe that's just me tooting my own horn. Anyway - so things are moving forward in a pretty awesome way in that area, and so it feels like things are going to work out, and hopefully for the long run. We are about 10 days into the 35 day craziness with filming and all (and me being a mom) but at some point it will end and things will move into something a little less crazy, schedulewise. I may even get to see my boyfriend (gasp!) during the week. What a concept.
So on the homefront, things are even better. My boyfriend and I are also communicating on an amazing level of efficiency and productivity, and it feels really great. We don't get to see each other a whole lot these days and are trying new, fun, and creative ways to see each other more. I really could not ask for a more supportive partner right now. I know I am strong enough on my own, but there is something about having someone to share all of this crazy life stuff with that helps. For the past year I was pretty intent on being "that single girl" who just "isn't into relationships" and "being tied down" but to be honest, this is better than I coud have asked for. The beauty of it being that we are creating what we want for our relationship instead of trying to stuff it all into a box (I know, I know, That's what she said...). We are creating what we want and it seems to be the way to go. And I can really grow with this guy, move forward, and be my independent and lovely self - and be a partner too.
So on another note, my school career is also moving forward quite nicely. In October 2009 I began a MA program in Spiritual Psychology and completed the first year of a 2 year program. Adam and I entered this program together and it is actually where we brought our previous relationship to completion. It was the most amazing and loving year of my life, as well as empowering, life-changing, and just all-around fantastic. With growing pains too, of course. In fact, lots of them. Anyway, as anyone who reads this knows, I took a year off in between two two years and am happy to announce that I will be attending Second Year this coming October! Part of the negotiating with my boss was around the prospect of me finishing, and it meant first having my boss's support on my side because it involves altering my typical work week one weekend a month. Not only was she into it, but she even said she was thrilled that I was moving forward with other areas of my life, in addition to working and keeping my job commitment. I am so excited! I am nervous and a little scared of what lies ahead, only because I know it is going to be a truly amazing year. So, back to school I go. October feels like a lifetime away!
So my point in going over all of this (and yes there is one) is that yesterday, while I was hanging out doing laundry in my little furniture-less apartment over the hill, waiting for Adam to come home, I began to feel an unfamiliar sting. It stuck with me through laundry and through my nap. As well as through the movie I watched in bed in the middle of the afternoon (a truly amazing experience!) and then through Adam coming home and us having dinner. It dawned on me that I felt happy. Not the sort of happy where I need to run down the street parading it around, but the quiet kind of happy. The sort of happy where I don't feel compelled to worry about anything huge right now. Now, this is not to be confused with feeling content, comfortable, or secure. In fact, I probably feel the least content, comfortable, or secure that I have ever felt oddly enough. But amidst all of that - amidst my long-ass work hours, my sleep deprivation, and my two children that I neither birthed nor witnessed the first few years of their life, things feel good. I feel like I somehow ideal scened'd (USM friends - you know what I mean!) myself into my current life situation and I honestly feel proud of myself, and grateful for all that the universe has provided me and all that I have co-created in my life. I can remember just a few short months ago, staying in hotels on the weekends and feeling like I would never feel happy again - and even months before that, staying in NJ at my childhood house and feeling like my life was going to end. And you know what? It didn't. And here I am. Alive and kicking a year later. Gratitude all around.
So at the end of the day, happiness (that sneaky little thing) somehow managed to make it's way into my life and I couldn't be happier. I know that there are bumps in the road and that there are going to be days where I don't fully agree with this post, but I know I can handle it. And though I may not feel this way forever, in this moment, this day, right now as I sit on the back patio and write this, the summer sun beating down on me and the kids playing in front of me on the swings, it's ok to just enjoy how I feel. Enjoy summer and the kids, my time off, and my boyfriend, my family, my health, my friends, and all the opportunities I have available to me at this time. Maybe, just maybe, all those ideal scenes paid off and abundance has been created. Maybe this is what the beginning of all that feels like. But whatever it is, I like it, and I'd like for it to stick around.
Thank you, universe. You rock.
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